June 12, 2013

Worthy

Business as usual in this canvassing program-- my girls and I scurry into our room at two minutes til lights out, scrambling into pajamas and sliding between the layers of our sleeping bags just in the nick of time.

The lights snap off and I tap the blue EGW on my phone screen. We are reading through the chapter on the Beatitudes this summer, just a paragraph or two a night.

Tonight we begin the section on the verse "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

We take our reading slow, pausing to make sure we get it, looking up big words in the dictionary, and seeking to internalize and apply it.

We chewed our way through paragraph one. Then we read it---

--wait...read that again?!....Slower this time...


God is Himself the source of all mercy. His name is “merciful and gracious.” Exodus 34:6. He does not treat us according to our desert. He does not ask if we are worthy of His love, but He pours upon us the riches of His love, to make us worthy.

Long after the room has settled to sounds of soft breathing, I ponder.

Worthiness.

Something I've struggled to believe I could have since I was old enough to know my name.

It seems I've never been good enough, cute enough, efficient enough, persistent enough, tough enough, sensitive enough, smart enough, pure enough, you-name-it enough.

Especially when it comes to spiritual things. I've never had enough love, enough self-control, enough endurance, enough patience, enough trust. I tend to think of myself as God's biggest basket case-- the mess He sighs over. 

But this God of mine does not look down on me in the way I tend to look down on myself. He does not hold me at arms length until I get my act together. He who knelt down in dust and breathed life into clay gets down on His hands and knees and breathes His love into my wreck of a heart and makes me worthy.

This I cannot comprehend, I must simply accept. God can make wine from water, I guess He can make Beth worthy too. Impossible is not in His vocabulary.

He thinks not about what I deserve but about the endless possibilities my life affords Him.

The old hymn expresses it well:
Love to the loveless shown that they might lovely be.

Still chewing...

4 comments:

  1. Mmmm. Wow. To make us worthy... So, like, He's saying "Look, I love this one. It's worth it." If for nothing else, I am worthy because my God loves me!? Awesome.

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  2. Love this...I can totally resonate with your thoughts.

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  3. Beth.. I sat down two evenings ago at a piano to reflect on that hymn...

    What kind of God is this?

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