April 5, 2013

In the Center

So it’s April and the days are starting to stretch out a little longer than before. Temperatures rise into the high 60’s some days. This week we took a day off of school for “Campus Cleanup” and transformed weedy flowerbeds into sculpted, colorful masterpieces. Birds are singing and people seem to smile more readily.

For myself, I can say that the classroom is becoming more comfortable every day. I know myself better now than I did three months ago. I know now that I’m definitely not a natural teacher. I know more than ever that I need more self-discipline.  I know I have weaknesses in my personality and faith that need to be transformed by grace. Yet I know that I have learned a wealth of tools and effective phrases to draw the hearts of young people to choose something better. I know that I am a better encourager, a more understanding person, I am kinder and more like Jesus for having been a teacher these three months.

And as the days grow warmer, and the gloomy days of winter begin to melt away from my memory, I find myself pausing from time to time in the madness of correspondence assignments, summaries and unit plans and smiling a slow smile that starts somewhere inside my heart and spreads out through my arms and my fingers giving me the urge to jump up, fling open the door and race out into the sunshine, twirling and laughing from sheer happiness.
I resist the urge, but the feeling remains, radiating a warm, happy glow.

I love this life.

Not because I feel like I do a great job teaching. Most of the time I leave the classroom wishing I’d done it different, planned it better, or had the right response ready on the tip of my tongue when it was needed.

Not because I am popular with the students. I have connected with relatively few.

Not because I have achieved or succeeded or accomplished what I set out to at the beginning of the day, because I never do, and I am continually behind.

But life is sweet and full to overflowing because of this assurance that
I’m in the center of His will.

Right where Divine Providence has put me. More cognizant and fearful of the weakness of my flesh than ever before, yet somehow more confident in the excellency of the power that is of God and not of us.

It is peaceful there and so sweet to look up and catch the radiance of His smile, knowing that He is well pleased. This is worth any sacrifice or self-denial.

These questions that run through my mind from time to time... what do they matter?

What IF I’m not cut out to be a teacher? What IF I’m not always appreciated, respected, and trusted? What IF I fail? What of it?

This I know. I AM cut out to fit perfectly here in the center of His will and it is the sweetest place I’ve ever known.

1 comment:

  1. I totally resonate with that feeling. There is no other place where I can be happy but in the center of His will...no matter where in this world that happens to be. :) Praise God.