December 9, 2011

Puzzles

Note: This is one of those typical annoying blog posts where the author rambles aimlessly about the random thoughts in her brain without having any kind of focus or purpose other than simple thought-processing. You can skip to the last 5 paragraphs and consider that you've gotten the whole point of the post. :-)

I laughingly noted to a friend the other day that I only blog when I'm in a melancholy mood.
Tonight is no different.
I sit here, watching flames slowly bring trees to the close of their purpose. Their soft licking motion reflects the waves of peace and relaxation slowly soothing the tension of my back and shoulders. 

Pressures only understood by one who has been in responsibility of a canvassing program have been filed away with the setting sun. My team are happy, my missing credit card is found, the laundry got done, the food purchased, the deposit made. My responsibilities in church tomorrow are prepared for. All that's left to do is relax.

It should be easy.
But sometimes it takes time.
Tense hearts, set into a racing pulse for too long, forget how to beat slow.

My phone, buzzing with text messages from three sadly neglected friends, is turned off and slid out of reach. My fingers poise silently over the keyboard for minutes at a time as whirling thoughts search for words to be expressed with.

Snippets of the past week dance momentarily through my consciousness to be briefly analyzed before being filed away and most likely forgotten.
...hours of prayer, moments of agony, a hundred thrills of hope and courage, a few hot tears fallen on the steering wheel of a old, green Nissan Quest.
...a glaring 107 on a bathroom scale that registered 117 just three weeks ago. (No worries, it'll all come back soon enough!)
...goose-bumps forming on my arm as an excited Monique squealed out the story of an amazing encounter that could only have been orchestrated by an Almighty God. 
...the paralyzing fear of failure met dead on and conquered.
...the devastation of watching my own perverse humanity overcome me in a moment of weakness.
...a surge of relief after reading that Moses had to deal with complainers too.
...a kind word of encouragement from a supervisor that repeated itself over and over in my mind for days

And when each memory has been remembered and placed in its place in this puzzle called life, I stand in awe of the picture that has been formed. Every shadow has it's place, and every bright spot is made more vivid by the contrast. 

Monique's divine appointment on Thursday morning would have been awe-inspiring at any point. She met a man so intellectual that his knowledge was confusing him. He was hungry for truth, eager to hear her share with him from the Great Controversy that truth and error will look so nearly alike in the end times that the only way we will be able to discern between the two is through a study of the scriptures. He was seeking out the different faiths in the world, and dissatisfied. He had been asking fate to send someone to his door, not knowing that he was praying to the God who was about to hear and answer his prayers. He purchased a Great Controversy without hesitation.

A truly beautiful experience, you would say... but much, much more beautiful than you can realize. Because you don't know the dark discouragement of Wednesday night. You didn't hear Monique say that she was DONE canvassing and that she couldn't take another rejection. You didn't know the awful frustrating feeling of failure that fought for a place in this leader's heart... But maybe you can imagine the tears of joy that Monique and I shared when God Almighty proved Himself faithful again.

This picture God is forming-- I don't quite see it yet. But there is not a doubt in my mind that it is a beautiful puzzle. Every piece, no matter how light or dark, is just another shade of love. I'm overwhelmed by this God. Overwhelmed by love. 

It seems that I have never been more satisfied and happy in my life than I am now. There is sweet contentment in being held in the security of love that will never pull away. My Master is good, and I want nothing more.

3 comments:

  1. Reading this gave me goose bumps. Beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful!
    Someday what puzzle will be finished.It will be beautiful indeed! And as we'll look back at our lives, and remember every moment a new piece of it was put in place, will thank our Father forever. The struggles and pain that we have gone through will seem so small and so worth it! May you allow Him today to place another piece of love into your life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love it, Beth! I always enjoy reading your canvassing blogs. You share an excitement about God that I totally connect with!
    Can't wait to see you at GYC!!

    ReplyDelete